Surviving and Thriving in Bethabara Farms

A little over 19 months after they moved in, we celebrate our adoption surrounded by family and friends! We have already had our family legally recognized but I felt like it was important to include a ceremony to recognize the boys' entire family. Mateo & Joaquin Walsh Candlelight Ceremony 2010 Blessed are you, O Lord our God, Father to us all: We thank you every day for the blessing of these children & for this family that you have created through adoption. Lend us your strength to build bonds of love unbreakable; Your wisdom to prepare these children for the path you have set before them; Your forgiveness for our imperfections as parents. We ask that you watch over the birth parents of these children, who by your guidance, helped bring this miracle to pass. And for all your children still awaiting the blessing of adoption, We pray you speed their journey to the loving arms of family, Amen. Just as many streams, known and unknown, contribute to a river's strength and...

Mateo Owen Perkins Walsh and Joaquin Lamont Armendariz Walsh! We were surrounded by a courtroom full (and I do mean full) of precious friends today as the Judge legally recognized our little family. You know it's good when the Judge and attorney are fighting back tears unsuccessfully throughout the proceedings. I woke up today thinking I didn't feel much different. But now, if it's possible, what I do feel is even more in love with the children God chose for me and more determined to honor their biological parents by providing them with a safe, stable, full childhood. A wonderful friend and fellow adoptive parent said it perfectly today, "you are mourning the loss in your babies' lives while rejoicing for being the chosen mommy". Exactly. As I raced around the house trying to get the three of us ready this morning, my sweet little Joaquin brought to me a picture of my grandparents (the same grandmother that shares his middle name)and just handed it to me...

My sweet lil M just hopped out of bed despite my threats to the contrary. I was about to lay into him about listening and following instructions when he said, "Mama, in a country on the other side of Earth, there was a lot of rain and it flooded in the street and the people had to carry the kids on their backs so that they wouldn't drown. And now, they can't find their houses!" He took a deep breath and stared at me to see my response. My frustration at his lack of "staying in bed" dissolved instantly. My wonderful, compassionate boy was cozy in his bed thinking about kids without homes thousands of miles away. I am so incredibly proud of him and it breaks my heart to think that just a couple years ago, he and his little brother would have fit that description. His class at school has been talking about the needs of people around the world and the kids are encouraged to think of ways to help. I can't begin to express how thankful I am for his school, his...

How is it that August has just started and I feel like Summer is over? We've had a busy one, that is for sure! We drove to Seattle for a 10 day visit with my parents and our extended family. It was amazing. So much fun. I can't even begin to explain the joy I felt when I watched my boys play on the beach my grandparents purchased when my mother was a child. The boys absolutely loved taking walks on the beach, playing with their wonderful teenage cousins and watching for eagles, geese and huge ships. They enjoyed being the center of attention for my parents, old friends and incredible family. The boys were amazing travelers and we enjoyed spending so much time together this summer. M starts Kindergarten at an amazing charter school a week from today! I'm so excited for him and for the richness the environment will bring to our family. I am so proud of M. He has come so far in the last 18 months. For example, he had been told that he could watch one show and then...

I got my haircut a few days ago and my kids haven't noticed yet. Some people might be offended by that but I am thrilled. Absolutely thrilled. They are no longer constantly monitoring for a change in me. They are free to explore, learn and grow without watching carefully for even the tiniest of changes in my behavior or appearance. At first, I thought it was really cute when they would comment on whether I wore shorts or a dress, my hair was curly or straightened or whether I wore close-toed shoes or flip flops. Then I realized that in their short few years of life, they had had to protect themselves from rapidly shifting moods and drastic changes in behavior. They had learned to watch for subtle cues in order to be safe. Over Christmas time, I got my nails done (clearly a rare occurence)and it literally threw M into a tailspin. He got really agitated and kept saying, "I don't want you to get your nails done". It took exactly 18 months but today, we are celebrating...

"Many times, when I was having a hard time with one of my children. God would always remind me that He was having a harder time with me than I was with them." --Charlie "Tremendous" Jones Tonight, as I was tucking M into bed he made the observation that the wind had calmed down outside. I agreed, kissed him on the forehead and started to walk out of the room. He continued, "maybe the mama wind told him to take a deep breath". My boy is listening. He is attaching, incorporating my words and actions into his thoughts. It is beyond beautiful. We've had a rough couple of days. Lots of testing and backtalk from him and second guessing on my part. Am I too strict or too lenient? Do I make mountains out of molehills or do I let important things slide? Looking back, I can see that it's completely age appropriate and very circumstantially understandable but in that moment...not so much. I needed to hear his simple observation today. I needed to be encourag...

We had a fun weekend full of birthday parties, jumpy houses, swimming and soccer. In the middle of a birthday party today, midbite of birthday cake, my little J said to me, "Mama, I don't know if my balloon got to Mama A." ** He asked if our friend, J's balloon had gotten to his birth mom, T. I told him that I didn't know either, but that I was sure that our wishes for her had found her. He liked that idea a lot. I was surprised at his timing but not surprised that he was thinking about it. When we tried to construct a time to honor our kids' birth moms on Mother's Day, my friend and I questioned ourselves quite a bit. Our kids are little. Would they really "get" what we were doing? My little J clearly "got" it at three years old. He knows he doesn't live with Mama A and he knows that he has a permanent place in my arms. He's not confused about his place in the world but that doesn't mean he doesn't think about his first...

Wow, what a wonderful day. I woke up to two sweet little voices asking if they could finally give me the presents they'd made at school. They were so proud of each item, it took my breath away. At church, the message was so good. It was focused on how to be the woman God created you to be. Awesome! Later, I found this in my email inbox... "When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need-words that will help others become stronger." Ephesians 4:29 (NCV) Just for today: Couldn't all words out of my mouth only be strengthening words? Words that nourish their bones and muscle their hearts? What if I tried to change nothing in my children but I focused on only this: Let the tongue speak only the words that make souls stronger. Like Oxygen, couldn't just speaking strengthening-words change the whole atmosphere? The two items tied together so well into exactly the kind of woman I want to be. I want to be remembered by my children as someone who ...

The boys have been trying to keep a secret from me. They are trying really hard but it's not working very well. There have been many conversations that go like this... "Mom, guess what we did today...we made a present for you for Mother's Day!"..."Oops, Mom, we werent' supposed to tell you. Can you forget?"...It's hysterical. I love that they want to surprise me but I love even more that they want to tell me everything they are excited about. Mother's Day is just around the corner and it brings up so many complex feelings for me. I am the boys' mother in my heart and in theirs. I also know that I am their mother because another woman brought them into the world. She made some very difficult decisions and did the very best she could to give them happy, productive lives. Some people would say that she chose to not be in their lives on a daily basis and in some ways that is true but I heard a few quotes today that summed it all up for ...

Started out by realizing that I forgot to do a little project with the boys. Apparently a family in J's class is adopting a little girl from China and the school is trying to gather 100 wishes for the little girl and her new family. I asked the boys what they would want to tell a little girl who was moving into a new family just like they did a year ago. M thought for a minute and said, "I would tell her it's okay to be sad and cry at first but everything will be okay because your family really loves you". If I wasn't already a huge mush ball today, that did it. My sweet boy soooo gets it. I picked the boys up from school early so that we could be home in time for the social worker to come over to sign the paperwork. As I walked in, J saw me and started running up and down the hallway telling every teacher that it was time for us to "go sign our family papers". At every stop he got a thrilled smile. Love their school! As we signed the Adoptive Pl...

Tomorrow is a big day for a few reasons. One year ago today, I got a phone call from CYFD asking if I could possibly take 2 little boys for 8 days of respite with a possibility of a longterm placement. The baby I had for 3 months had moved in with his adoptive family that morning and I was all set for a couple days of quiet, sleep and probably more than a bit of teariness. After securing promises of babysitting and lots of encouragement from friends, I agreed. I was terrified. I was excited. I was in completely over my head. I was gonna be outnumbered in my own house! That night, I was scheduled to attend a training on the Nurtured Heart Approach which ended up being extremely serendipitous. That approach combined with Love and Logic have become the foundation of my parenting choices. The next morning, I went to the grocery store to shop for "kid food" with suggestions from friends written down in my purse. I bought Spiderman comforters, a couple toys and new pajam...

So, I found out today that the BIP (Best Interest Placement) is scheduled for Wednesday. That means on Wednesday, a group of social workers and attorneys will gather in a room and decide whether I am the right mom for the boys. Everyone is telling me that it is just a formality but that does little to remove my anxiety. They will likely review my homestudy and talk about whether or not I am able to meet all of their needs as a single parent. They will probably talk about whether a White (I prefer Irish/Scottish) single woman is able to provide for the cultural needs of two Liberian/Mexican boys. I have taken part in dozens of these meetings but I have never been the subject of one and I have to admit it is terrifying. All the whatifs are driving me crazy. I feel like I should be able to at least write a letter or have some sort of participation but I will try my best to be patient. I'd like to tell them that tonight as I was tucking M into bed he decided he wanted to play a...

I picked up my kids, drove them home listening to the latest preschool gossip, made dinner and was thrilled (for once) with wonderful table manners and lots of polite table talk. We all changed into comfortable jammies and snuggled up in the oversized recliner to watch an old episode of Popeye. They were thrilled that he ate spinach because they had just had that for dinner and cleaned their plates. "We are strong like Popeye too cause we ate our veggies!" After the show we read "Happy Birthday, Martin Luther King" and halfway through the book, the phone rang. It was their dad, "Papa". I watched while J spoke to him and giggled when he called him "mijo". For some reason,they think that term is beyond hysterical. M didn't get a chance to chat this time because J got a lil button happy and hung up before he could talk. After the phone call, we finished up the book and brushed teeth. J snuggled into my bed and M into his (if I put them...