Surviving and Thriving in Bethabara Farms

In some ways, it seems dismissive to say Happy Birthday to someone that I know is still in a place of confusion and fear. I'm struggling today with how to honor the woman who gave my children life. All day, I've wanted to take a drive, try to find her, get her somewhere safe and make sure she's warm, fed and knows she's loved. Actually, I struggle with that most days, but today the urge is a bit stronger. I know I need to maintain some distance due to safety concerns but some days, most days, it is so hard. So, I distract myself by thinking of all the things I'd tell her if only I could. I'd share how funny and kind they can be. I'd explain how Mateo is learning to read and Joaquin is following quickly behind him. I'd laugh as I described how Joaquin makes a face that I've seen on her and that Mateo has her gift of gab. I'd let her know that Mateo has her determination and Joaquin has her flare for the dramatic. It would be important to ...

A little over 19 months after they moved in, we celebrate our adoption surrounded by family and friends! We have already had our family legally recognized but I felt like it was important to include a ceremony to recognize the boys' entire family. Mateo & Joaquin Walsh Candlelight Ceremony 2010 Blessed are you, O Lord our God, Father to us all: We thank you every day for the blessing of these children & for this family that you have created through adoption. Lend us your strength to build bonds of love unbreakable; Your wisdom to prepare these children for the path you have set before them; Your forgiveness for our imperfections as parents. We ask that you watch over the birth parents of these children, who by your guidance, helped bring this miracle to pass. And for all your children still awaiting the blessing of adoption, We pray you speed their journey to the loving arms of family, Amen. Just as many streams, known and unknown, contribute to a river's strength and...

Mateo Owen Perkins Walsh and Joaquin Lamont Armendariz Walsh! We were surrounded by a courtroom full (and I do mean full) of precious friends today as the Judge legally recognized our little family. You know it's good when the Judge and attorney are fighting back tears unsuccessfully throughout the proceedings. I woke up today thinking I didn't feel much different. But now, if it's possible, what I do feel is even more in love with the children God chose for me and more determined to honor their biological parents by providing them with a safe, stable, full childhood. A wonderful friend and fellow adoptive parent said it perfectly today, "you are mourning the loss in your babies' lives while rejoicing for being the chosen mommy". Exactly. As I raced around the house trying to get the three of us ready this morning, my sweet little Joaquin brought to me a picture of my grandparents (the same grandmother that shares his middle name)and just handed it to me...

My sweet lil M just hopped out of bed despite my threats to the contrary. I was about to lay into him about listening and following instructions when he said, "Mama, in a country on the other side of Earth, there was a lot of rain and it flooded in the street and the people had to carry the kids on their backs so that they wouldn't drown. And now, they can't find their houses!" He took a deep breath and stared at me to see my response. My frustration at his lack of "staying in bed" dissolved instantly. My wonderful, compassionate boy was cozy in his bed thinking about kids without homes thousands of miles away. I am so incredibly proud of him and it breaks my heart to think that just a couple years ago, he and his little brother would have fit that description. His class at school has been talking about the needs of people around the world and the kids are encouraged to think of ways to help. I can't begin to express how thankful I am for his school, his...

How is it that August has just started and I feel like Summer is over? We've had a busy one, that is for sure! We drove to Seattle for a 10 day visit with my parents and our extended family. It was amazing. So much fun. I can't even begin to explain the joy I felt when I watched my boys play on the beach my grandparents purchased when my mother was a child. The boys absolutely loved taking walks on the beach, playing with their wonderful teenage cousins and watching for eagles, geese and huge ships. They enjoyed being the center of attention for my parents, old friends and incredible family. The boys were amazing travelers and we enjoyed spending so much time together this summer. M starts Kindergarten at an amazing charter school a week from today! I'm so excited for him and for the richness the environment will bring to our family. I am so proud of M. He has come so far in the last 18 months. For example, he had been told that he could watch one show and then...

I got my haircut a few days ago and my kids haven't noticed yet. Some people might be offended by that but I am thrilled. Absolutely thrilled. They are no longer constantly monitoring for a change in me. They are free to explore, learn and grow without watching carefully for even the tiniest of changes in my behavior or appearance. At first, I thought it was really cute when they would comment on whether I wore shorts or a dress, my hair was curly or straightened or whether I wore close-toed shoes or flip flops. Then I realized that in their short few years of life, they had had to protect themselves from rapidly shifting moods and drastic changes in behavior. They had learned to watch for subtle cues in order to be safe. Over Christmas time, I got my nails done (clearly a rare occurence)and it literally threw M into a tailspin. He got really agitated and kept saying, "I don't want you to get your nails done". It took exactly 18 months but today, we are celebrating...

"Many times, when I was having a hard time with one of my children. God would always remind me that He was having a harder time with me than I was with them." --Charlie "Tremendous" Jones Tonight, as I was tucking M into bed he made the observation that the wind had calmed down outside. I agreed, kissed him on the forehead and started to walk out of the room. He continued, "maybe the mama wind told him to take a deep breath". My boy is listening. He is attaching, incorporating my words and actions into his thoughts. It is beyond beautiful. We've had a rough couple of days. Lots of testing and backtalk from him and second guessing on my part. Am I too strict or too lenient? Do I make mountains out of molehills or do I let important things slide? Looking back, I can see that it's completely age appropriate and very circumstantially understandable but in that moment...not so much. I needed to hear his simple observation today. I needed to be encourag...