Surviving and Thriving in Bethabara Farms

I'm sitting here in front of the fire feeling so blessed that I highly doubt I could even put it into words. One year ago today a tiny, pale, frail baby boy moved in with me. (See last year for more info on that) I loved that little baby so much and enjoyed every midnight feeding and diaper change but I alwayss felt like I wasn't supposed to be his "forever" mom. I was meant to love him, care for him and protect him. I loved every minute of the four months he was with me. Last Saturday, he was legally adopted by a wonderful woman who knew from the very first moment she saw him that he was HER baby. Her family has welcomed him with open arms and they have all been so gracious about keeping me informed about how well he is doing. The boys and I were able to be at the court house the day of his adoption and it was wonderful to see such a happy family. My boys have brought more joy to my life than I ever knew existed. I'm tired, I'm busy but I am also con...

In the last seven months, I have been blessed without measure. I have gone from foster parent to mommy. We've weathered colds, skinned knees, bruised feelings and trashed bedrooms. I've learned that it is financially much more feasible to buy plain old bandaids than the cool Handy Manny ones. The dogs have gone from running for their lives to sleeping next to the boys' beds at night. I've become adept at getting two rambuctious boys into bed and cozy by bedtime and I've figured out the trick about naptime. We've manuevered the preschool enrollment process and experimented with Bento Box lunches. I feel like I've learned so much over the last few months and somehow with every passing day another question pops up. My family and friends have been absolutely incredible and have embraced our new little family with stronger arms and more kindness than I ever imagined. My parents have jumped wholeheartedly into the world of grandparenting and the boys can...

I wrote this for my Dad a couple years ago, but today seemed like a perfect day to post it and remind him just how special he is... Top 10 things I learned from my Dad.... 1. Giving is always better than getting. My whole life, I remember hearing the joy in your voice and seeing the sparkle in your eye whenever you thought of a great gift idea for someone. Spending time shopping with you and watching the generosity you display toward needy people has always inspired me to want to give to others the way that you do. 2. If it’s Irish, It’s Good! I appreciate being taught about my Irish heritage. So many people just see themselves as “caucasian” but you always taught me that I have a rich Irish lineage with a great deal of culture and history. Even if the food does taste blah! 3. The Louder the Music the Better! I have so many memories of riding in the car with Carmen blasting on the radio and you clapping, singing and banging on the steering wheel. You enjoy music so much that it enc...

It is amazing to me to see these two amazing little boys pick up my habits and mannerisms. Terrifying and incredible all at once. I watched tonight as M picked all of the toppings off of his pizza and ate them first and then was so impressed as J strolled around the backyard checking on the plants and called several by name. They are so wonderful, I don't even have words to describe it. They challenge me to the full extent of my ability and potential and I am loving every single second. I am so incredibly thankful for my job right now. I am able to focus on things that will make me a better social worker and a better parent. All of the things I'm interested in are wrapped up in both my career and my personal life. It's so great! I'm going to a second training tomorrow on the "Nurtured Heart Approach" to parenting. I went to the first one the night before the boys moved in and I'm so excited to get a refresher. I'm not the type of person who ...

It's been awhile since I've had a chance to sit down and blog. Obviously. Anyway, the boys have now been here 2 1/2 months. They have settled in and so have I. I am tired but rejuvenated . I am extraordinarily busy but calmer than I have felt in years. I have been able to realize through these wonderful boys that each day is one I need to treasure. It may be just an average day but it is one that I will never have again. These kiddos will never be 2 and 3 on May 6 th again and I will never by 35 on this day again (Thank you Charlie Appelstein ). For the last several years, I've felt stuck. Nothing ever changed. Same job, same house and pets, same great friends and family. Things were good but lacking in something I could never put my finger on. With the addition of these wild children, my life has gained passion. I am loving rolling down hills at the park, flying kites, searching the sky for colorful hot air balloons, singing songs and having tickle fights. The boys hav...

If someone would have told me a month ago that I would be parenting two toddlers, I would have told them they were nuts-completely certifiable... And yet, here I am. Waking up to the sweet patter of little feet and sleepy voices asking if it is time to watch Thomas (the Tank Engine) and coming home from work to hugs and squeals and water fights in my backyard. It is amazing to me to see how well things are really shaping up. I don’t know how long these boys will be here but I am enjoying every single minute of it. Foster care has been so amazing. I think this is what I was born to do. There is no better feeling than to know that I am providing a safe, warm, comfortable, fun place to be for a little one (or two) who has been scared and hurt. One of the things I’ ve become passionate about is getting the boys outside. Helping them learn to watch things grow and start to wonder about the beautiful things they see. It brings such a smile to my face when we are in the car and t...

I read this statement today. I think this is where joy starts. "Christians today like to play it safe. We want to put ourselves in situations where we are safe 'even if there is no God.' But if we truly desire to please God, we cannot live that way. We have to do things that cost us during our life on Earth but will be more than worth it in eternity.""

So, two new little guys moved in with me today. They are two and three year olds who have been removed from their parents due to their inability to keep them safe. I got a call about them yesterday afternoon so I spent the early morning doing some kiddo grocery shopping. I don't believe coincidentally, I had already planned to take today off. Luckily, I found some spiderman comforters on sale and a couple matching trucks (anything to avoid the "I want that struggles :) )They pulled up in a white van about 10am and I peeked out the front window as they walked up to the house. I could see their tense little expressions but the older one reached out and took the younger boy's hand as they came toward the door. As I looked at their faces, I was struck by the resemblence to a girl I knew many years ago. After a few phone calls, it turns out that I knew their biological mom when she was a teenager. We actually spent quite a bit of time together and she was one of my favorite...

I knew this would be difficult and people keep asking me if I really want him to go to the new family. I don't. I wish things were different. But they aren't. And that is okay. It isn't easy but it is okay. In my heart, I know this is right. I often tell my clients, "just because something is hard, doesn't mean it's the wrong decision". I believe that sometimes the best choices are the most difficult. I recently read something by Corrie Ten Boom, a survivor of the Holocaust . Ten Boom said that when she was a child she asked her father how she would ever do what God had for her to do. Her father's response was, “When you go to travel, when do I give you the train tickets or the money for it, three weeks before?” She said “No daddy, the day that I go to travel.” And her father said “That is what God does. You don’t need to be...have the power to be... But the moment that you have to the Lord will give you everything.” I am smiling through my tears becau...

The little one is so incredible. He is now rolling over, giggling at my horrible singing voice and has the cutest cheeks you've ever seen. His social worker said today that they have located a family for him. She didn't tell me anything else but said she'd call me in the morning to fill me in. Surprisingly, I didn't immediately have a pit in my stomach or a pang of jealousy. A low grade sadness that what we've shared in the last two months is coming to an end. But what I do feel is a joy that is unspeakable that the tiny, scared, bony baby that I brought home 2 months ago will soon be joining a family as a healthy, chubby, laughing little boy. I know I will probably be a mess when the day finally comes but I am so very glad I have the opportunity. A very wise foster/adoptive mom once said that at times like this, she likes to think of the quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, In Memoriam: 27, 1850: I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow ...

2008 wasn't a bad year---not the best but definately not the worst. I am filled with gratitude, peace and hope as I look forward to the coming year. It's amazing to me that no matter what happens, good or bad, when paired with time, God's hand is so evident in everything. I don't beleive that God plans or causes bad things to happen to us but I have been blessed to witness His amazing ability to mold the outcome into blessings. Because of that, I can exhuberently look for His miracles this year. My resolutions are to exercise more, spend more time in God's word and try to be more organized. If I'm not mistaken, they are pretty similar to last year's. Oh well... I'm a magnificent mess. I'm okay with that. I do want to really focus on simplifying my life. I don't mean making things easier necessarily, I mean figuring out priorities and doing what is really important. I'm hoping to be more able to let go of the things that either don't matte...